In the fight to win!

"Jesus doesn't always protect us form the unpleasant things in life, since they are a part of what we are on earth to experience. However, He does shield us from fear in those dark times and delivers us from having to face those difficulties alone."
-Brad Wilcox


Delayed Intensification.....where to start..... Koda's first appointment with this phase was last Weds June 2. Home care came and took his counts on the 1st and he was good to go. Red cells:  39,800   Platelets:  229,000   ANC:  1,900. At clinic on june 2nd koda had vincristine, doxorubicin (which is really damaging to the heart) and methotrexate in his spine. Even writing this makes me cringe. Koda did very very well, he didn't cry for the first time while they accessed him, sam covered his eyes and he didn't even make a peep. He also started steroids this first day.

Monday June 7 Koda went in again for a PEG shot of chemo in his leg, this was horrible to have to watch because he is getting used to the port thing then they all of a sudden attack his leg. We had to stay for an hour after the shot so they could watch him, i guess it's common to have allergic reactions, but he did fine!

Wednesday June 9 we went in to clinic yet again (yes, 3 times in a week). Koda got vincristine and doxorubicin again. He had a very very hard time with them accessing him this time he was very scared and i'm thinking the shot a couple of days before might have thrown things off a bit. It's really hard to look at him while he is saying 'owie, scared' and say 'your brave, it will be fast and easy' when i don't even know what it is like to have this done, it breaks my heart. His counts from today were  Red cells: 37,700  Platelets: 317,000   ANC: 3,400 and yes i can say we were completely shocked with these high counts with having chemo so much but i guess the yucky steroids do do something good which is raise their counts.

Steroids:
Koda took them for 7 days and this was a great little reminder of how much i HATE them.
He got very bad rage, nothing would make him happy. Screaming was almost a constant, all day event. He would scream for one thing, we would do it, then he would scream for the opposite and go back and forth this way for a while. It is very hard to stay patient and calm with him and trying to remember that THIS IS NOT KODA, THIS IS STEROIDS. It's hard not to constantly want to put him in time out for smacking himself or us. We have a week off of them and then we start for another week on june 16, not looking forward to it.

I look at koda every day and am reminded that he is my hero. He willingly accepted this trial to take upon himself before he came to this earth and i admire him so much. His little body has been through SO MUCH, i don't ever want to complain again. I feel like i can do almost anything now seeing what this sweet little 2 year old does with no complaints.  A couple of weeks ago i was holding koda and he turned and faced me and was staring intently at my eyes and said 'spiders...all over' and touched my eyelashes. He is so sweet and fun! It's so fun to see how a 2 year old sees things. Koda also this week has learned that his birthday is 'february twenty three', when asked when his birthday is that's his reply. He is such a smart boy! I feel so blessed every day that i get to have him as my son.

Coming up:
Next weds we have clinic again and then a two week break if his counts are good, if not, then a 3 week break. The appointment that is count dependant is very yucky stuff i don't know all exactly what he is getting but one of the chemo's (i will find the name and let you know later) is pumped through koda for an hour, his oncologist said with this chemo he will lose ANY HAIR ON HIM HE HAS LEFT, oh boy, stab stab stab, this will make reality sink in more. Please keep koda in your prayers, he needs the health and strength to get through these next few weeks.