"It's hard to live with unanswered questions. It's difficult to be crying out in the darkness of hardship, and yet trust that God knows and cares. But doubting or denying God will not remove the darkness. In fact, it makes the darkness even darker because now you feel alone in your doubts.
"There is so much we don't understand, why should we be surprised that we cannot understand our own struggles and difficulties. Would denying God give us a more satisfactory answer to our questions? Do our problems make a case for there not being a God, or do they underscore our need to humble ourselves before God, trusting he knows our needs and can redeem our life?" -Dave Burkum in Minneapolis/St. Paul...
Clinic this week went really really well, for the first time while being accessed in his port he only cried for half a second and then moved on. For the past two months it has been him being so scared and crying from the time the nurse walked in to a few minutes after they put the needle in. This poor kid has just associated the whole process with so much pain. It is so great to see that he is finally getting somewhat used to this and realizing that they are not going to hurt him anymore.
He had 2 different kinds of chemo, which were vincristine and methotrexate (which they had pumping through him for 15 minutes) this one made him kinda sick yesterday. During this phase we go in every 10 days instead of every 7. They will send out home care to get his counts the day before his appointment because every appt during this phase is count dependant. They want his counts low (that way they know it's working) but if they are too low they will give him another 4 days off to try to get his counts back up. This whole phase is so count dependant because every time we go in his dosage of the methotrexate will go up. They do this just as an aggressive thing.
Koda also had a cardiology appointment this week to check again for the cardio myoapathy. His heart showed normal function again so they are ruling that out (thank goodness). They did an ultrasound on his heart and an EKG, during the ultrasound koda looked over and saw the screen and said "baby tummy", this child just makes my day every day, he is so funny and so smart! He has never seen an ultrasound done just a picture of one.
We colored easter eggs the other day, koda's first time, he thought is was really cool!
Koda being silly, he had fun putting stickers on his face and the table
Koda chewing on his endless supply of treats, he is so spoiled, but he deserves every bit of it!
We feel so completely blessed every day of our lives, the Lord's hand is in our lives daily and i do not have a doubt about that, i feel it constantly. We have so many amazing wonderful angels and people that surround us, we are so eternally grateful for how much the Lord is looking out for us during this trial
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