In the fight to win!

Home care came on sunday to check koda's blood counts to see if they were good enough for him to do chemo monday morning. Koda is so brave, she had to poke him twice because she didn't get enough blood and he handled it like a champ! His counts were:      Red blood cells:35,000   Platelets:319,000  so after his last chemo he recovered pretty well!

Clinic yesterday went well, koda is still kinda scared when they access his port but he is getting better, they gave him 2 kinds of chemo again... vincristine and methotrexate (which they upped the dose 50% from the last visit, they will do this every visit, that's why his counts matter, they don't want to completely wipe him out) He was running around the place pushing a toy shopping cart acting like he owned the place. It was the first time i have gone to these visits by myself and boy i realized how out of shape i am. They give him his methotrexate over 20 minutes so he was hooked up to an IV tower for those 20 minutes and yes he was running the entire time, the tube that hooks into him is only a couple feet long so i had to be behind him every step, it came close to being ripped out a couple of times and we had our fair share of him getting tangled in the tube. He had to go and say hi to everyone there and was being so friendly. It was quite an experience. It amazes me that he acts as if nothing is wrong and nothing is happening, he just continues to enjoy life. I learn alot from koda every day.

I am having such a hard time lately, those quiet moments really make it hard, i have a problem with sitting and thinking.... thinking why? why does my two year old have to have cancer? Why does his little body have to be injected with all these chemicals that can cause long term possibly permanent side affects? I see old pictures from when he was still just a little babe and wonder why, look at that little innocent smile, he didn't do anything wrong, what did he do to have to go through this? I do know that it is for a reason that i'm not aware of yet but those quiet moments always get the best of me.

I'm not sure if all this wondering and thinking is because our little girl is not too far from making her appearance and it just is too hard to think about, what if something like this happens to her? It is so extremely heart breaking every day. Life is very unexpected and it certainly is a roller coaster every day in every persons life. We all just need to keep in mind that whatever happens in our lives is in the Lord's hands and that he has a plan for all of us, whatever we go through is to learn and grow, we most of the time do not want to see it that way at the time, but usually you can always look back on that trial and be grateful to the Lord for the trial he placed in your life to help you out at the present time in your life.